1) of pirates and footballs

I have been a Tampa Bay Bucs fan my entire life. I was 18 the first time that they had a winning season, and 23 for their first Super Bowl appearance and win.

They have had a rough couple of years . . . selling the offense for a coach, losing Brian Griese and hurting for it, and, of course, the best defensive performance in NFL playoff history, which was not in a Super Bowl win, or even a playoff win, but instead, in the 2006 playoff loss to the Washington Redskins.

It is a unique experience to be a Bucs fan in Pacific Time, because you go to the bar to see the game (which is the only place that is playing it) at 9am on a Sunday morning, settle down in front of a TV, and get your hand stamped so you can drink when they start serving liquor in the 4th quarter . . .

The Bucs homepage, the ESPN NFL page, the CNNSI page, and the Yahoo page are good sources of Bucs information and gossip.

In 2006, apparently, we tried to win the draft pick lottery. We even lost that. Reminiscent of my childhood years.

In 2007,big turnaround. Lost early in the playoffs. Close. To the NY Giants. Who went on to pull of the biggest upset in NFL history. We don't feel so bad.

In 2008, the offense was good and the defense quit mid-season, but that finally made us fire Chuckie. Perhaps for his inability to retain the defensive coordinator.

In 2009, it was utter chaos. A high school football team could have beat them easily. 2010? Looks like it could actually be worse.

2) of gators and pigskins

My father was a gator, my mother was a gator, and I went to the University of Chicago. I suppose that made a Gator too.

I once forfeited a perfectly good ACT score because I was done with the damn test and they would not let me go see the 4th quarter of a gator game.

I was at a gator game in the Steve Spurrier era where Spurrier forfeited a perfectly good set of downs because he was sick of the offense and punted . . . on 3rd down . . . twice that game.

I voted on fireronzook.com, and my vote counted. I have the T-shirt to prove it. Not sure about this Urban Meyer character yet.

I was driving home from a gator game one time, got stuck in traffic. A nice gentleman with very few clothes and a water cannon on his back came over to offer me some refreshment . . . in his water cannon was some cheap vodka.

I spend time at Gatorzone, igouf, CNNSI, and CBS Sportsline.

After a grueling season brought them to 12-1, my gators were the heavy underdogs in the National Title game. They won by more than 20 points, and played almost flawless football. Reigning basketball and football champions ... chomp chomp! (Sorry, blue devils) In 2006.

In 2007, they won the Heisman. That was about all.

In 2008, won the title, lost the Heisman ...

In 2009, it looked like it might be both. But what it really was was about the worst season to watch Florida football, ever, even though I think they finished the season as the best team in the NCAA.

3) of blue devilish Laura

I fell in love with Duke basketball the summer of 1991 when I was at Duke supposed to be taking a math class (oops). Instead, I followed around the Christian Laettner-era Blue Devils dreaming of devilish things. It is quite a hassle to be a Duke fan, because few people outside North Carolina are, and most make fun of you for it.

It is especially hard to be a Duke fan in New England, because people from New England [generally] should not be allowed to watch sports. They are insistent on every small argumentative technicality; they are scholars of sports instead of sports fans. And you cannot be a scholar of sports. People from New England also add a level of violence to sports that we Southerners fail to understand. Sure, I love a good foul, but a pitch thrown at someone's head? A kid maced to death? Falling furniture killing people, celebrating not even a championship?

Last football season, the Patriots eeked into the playoffs after a season which was anything but pretty. Like that, everyone kept talking about how they were going to win the Super Bowl again. Have some humility, and maybe even some grace.

Back to Duke - we all know Duke is the best team in basketball (joke, see above). But really, they put together a pretty respectable program, and I enjoy watching. This enjoyment is greeted by irrational hatred outside Durham, which can be quite a pain. My job at Duke, then, is a Blue Devil's dream, except .... in 2006, I experienced the need to contend with them for parking. Can anyone say gator basketball?

4) of coaches without souls

I'd been a Bulls fan for as long as I can remember - I remember O. J. Simpson's low-speed chase taking a Bulls-Knicks playoff game off the air. I ate it up living in Chicago for the last year of the Bulls' dynasty (and they ate up my life savings). I thought (and still think) that the Bulls' management did a crazy thing letting them go when they did - one season off winning 70 games, right after three championships in a row - so what if it had to end sometime? It was clearly not then?

So Phil Jackson rode his motorcycle off into the sunset, and I was on his side. It was hard to watch the Bulls, partly for that reason, but partly because there are only so many years that you can watch a .250 basketball team for an entire season, no matter how much you like basketball.

I moved to LA for grad school right about when my hankering for good basketball got too bad to resist. And Phil Jackson had ridden back into the California sun. With Kobe Bryant (no matter what sort of person he is, he is one hell of a basketball player) and Shaquille O'neal (no matter what sort of basketball player he is, he needs to know the meaning of loyalty). Fresh off two titles, they acquired Gary Payton (who may have been good had he not pouted all season) and Karl Malone (a nice guy in the middle of a big mess). The stage was set for basketball history. On paper, this team was miles better than the 1996-1997 bulls, and was poised to break their 72 game record. In practice, there were some shining moments, but mostly the season was summed up in the news stories about Kobe Bryant, Shaq's bellyaching, and a 4-0 loss to a bad ball team from Detroit in the NBA finals.

Then the coach wrote an expose calling them soulless. On one hand, the Lakers had some problems. On the other hand, it takes a coach with no soul to have a team with no soul. The second time Phil Jackson rode off into the sunset, I had no sympathy. I felt no joy when he came riding back in. Best of luck to Kobe and the little Lakers, but no love lost with the coach or the organization.

Watching game 6 of the 2008 NBA finals was an embarrassment.

2009 was Kobe's year to show that, despite the coach with no soul and the lack of little players, he is the best who has ever played the game. In 2010, he showed the Celtics too. An d in 2011, I have very little doubt he'll show Lebron. I just wish that he'd gotten to show Lebron and Shaq all at once.

5) sports blacklist

Nebraska football (January 1996 - Fiesta Bowl)

The Boston Red Sox (May 2004 - Have you ever lived in Boston? with a Red Sox fan?)

The New England Patriots (August 1999 - Roommate Stephanie)

The Notre Dame Fighting Irish (January 1992 - Sugar Bowl)

Jeff Gordon (June 1995 - a race)

Vijay Singh, Hootie Johnson (gender and golf)

The Green Bay Packers (when they are above .500 and at home in the winter)

UCLA football (September 2002 - damage to my car)

The LA Dodgers (August 2001 - traffic)